


Selfish

by Certified Ralmon Trash (MyNeverEndingDistrust)



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, also violence in later chapters, disclaimer and whatever, i cry, jager if u squint a bit, permanent hiatus, romantic tension between 12 year olds ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3187232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyNeverEndingDistrust/pseuds/Certified%20Ralmon%20Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-- Requested on Tumblr --</p><p>self·ish<br/>/ˈselfiSH/<br/>adjective<br/>(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.<br/>E.g.<br/>Ralph was acting selfish<br/>Simon believes he is selfish<br/>(Jack will always be selfish)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I swear to god that I didn't mean for this to be this long holy shit it was just supposed to be a one shot.

Ralph stretched his arms in an arc above his head, grunting with pleasure as he felt his muscles strain and fall back as he rested his hands by his sides. The waning day was a bit windy, blowing warm air across the surface of the diving pool. The blond lowered himself to the hot sand and reclined back on his hands, watching the boys splash each other playfully with the crisp blueish water. 

Ralph glanced up when the sand beside him was disturbed and Piggy thumped down beside him.

"How come you never play in the pool?" Ralph asked him, not taking his eyes off of Jack and Roger trying to tackle Maurice into the deeper part of the pool, smirking a bit as they succeeded for a moment before Jack slipped clumsily and Roger pounced on him instead.

"I told you, Ralph. I told you a thousand times! I've got asthma, Ralph, real bad when I exercise." Piggy huffed when he finished, annoyed with Ralph's ignorance. Ralph chuckled, looking to push his friend further. 

"Sucks to your ass-mar."

"You say that all the time, Ralph, but I mean it-"

"Sucks to it, I say."

Piggy fell silent irritably and glared off towards the steady-going fire on the mountain. Ralph noticed Jack glancing off into the same direction with longing. Vaguely, Ralph remembered that the redhead's precious pig-run was near there. 

The blond threw his head back suddenly and laughed when Maurice and Roger growled and, taking advantage of his distracted state, leaped on Jack's back, taking him down into the water. Bill splashed forth to join in the game.

Behind the growing cluster of choirboys was the smallest of the group, young Simon, with shaggy black hair plastered messily to his face and a worried expression in his green eyes. He held up a finger, nervously, and squeaked, "Let him up, guys."

One of the choirboys whose name Ralph forgot left the squirming pile and roughly threw Simon under the water to shut him up. He disappeared with nary a squeak and the other boy laughed and moved back toward the heaving group.

As Simon broke the surface, sputtering, Ralph noticed a pang of embarrassment for the smaller boy that he often felt when he saw him around the other boys. It was true that residue of anger for Simon still waded under Ralph's skin. Why'd he tell the stupid littluns that there was a beast? But Ralph still didn't think that he deserved to be treated with such aggression. After all, Simon was rather helpful, and loyal, and trustworthy.

And quite a bit attractive, with a cute round face and nice hair and shiny emerald eyes.

"Ralph."

"What?"

"Ralph!"

"What?!"

"You're staring." Piggy's observation dug the blond out of his reverie, and Ralph coughed to create an excuse for the blush staining his cheeks. "What were you lookin' at, anyway? If ya wanna play with them, you can go on. I'll watch the conch." 

Ralph glanced about and saw the shell laid in the sand not too far from him. And then at Piggy, and then laughed. The bespectacled boy looked astounded, and then chuckled nervously along with his friend. 

"I don't want to play with them." Ralph snapped, shutting off his laughter effectively. Piggy ceased shortly after, a bit of a wheeze coming to his breath. "Jack's being all weird, with his pigs and blood, and Roger..." Ralph couldn't even find the words for the eerie red-eyed brunet. "And Maurice are just like Jack." He finished. Piggy took off his spectacles and started to clean the remaining glass. 

"Then what were you lookin' at?" 

"Let it go!" Ralph kicked a bit of sand with his toes, flustered. 

"Sorry, Ralph." Piggy mumbled after a bit of a pause, putting his not-any-cleaner glasses back on. Ralph sighed guiltily and rested back on his hands.

"Whatever." He muttered, trying to act nonchalant. Piggy was good, and smart. Ralph resolved to try not to treat him as harshly if he wanted to keep him and his advice around.

The blond was so busy stewing in his own juices that he didn't even notice Simon crawling from the pool and shaking off drops of water like a dog before snatching up his shirt and trotting away. Piggy noticed him, however, and glared off after him.

"That Simon. Always goin' off by himself. Who does he think he is?" 

Ralph stole a glance toward where Piggy was looking and happened to spot the quiet boy with his head in one hand, picking his way down the beach toward the edge of the forest. A few calls from the boys in the pool sent Simon rushing faster, and they laughed at him. Piggy scoffed and Ralph looked at him.

"What've you got against little Simon, anyway?" Ralph demanded, and Piggy seemed startled by the unintentional ferocity in Ralph's voice. He narrowed his eyes at the blond, and then they went normal again.

"I thought you didn't like 'im." Piggy snarked. Ralph stood up and kicked sand onto Piggy's lap. 

"Aw, mind your own business." He snapped abruptly, shaking out his sandy clothes. "I'm gonna go talk to him. I need him to... uh... to help me rebalance that last shelter. I'll see you."

"Aw, Ralph-" Piggy complained, standing up to follow him but then stopping at a meaningful but cutting glare from the chief and instead bending to retrieve the conch. "But the others'll be gettin' out of the pool and... Ugh."

"You'll be fine," Ralph said, waving Piggy off. "Just go talk to the littluns. They like you fine."

Ralph missed Piggy's slightly shrill reply as he was overcome by an urge to find out where Simon always strayed as the light from the sun gently fell behind the mountain.

\----

Simon couldn't even make it to his quiet clearing before his knees grew weak and the tears burst forth. The small boy collapsed into a bush along the well-trodden path and rested against a tree with springy bark.

Shakily, he slipped his light blue shirt over his shoulders to cover his damp skin back up. He'd just wanted to make sure Jack didn't get hurt! His hand slipped into his hair where he'd hit his head on something in the water and he started to cry harder from the pain. He just wanted to play... He just wanted to... to play....

"Sorry." He choked out to no one. The apology fell emptily onto the ferns below him. He shouldn't have spoken out of turn, everyone pounced on him for doing so: Ralph, and Piggy, and Jack... His nails dug into his scalp as he reprimanded himself for something he knew he shouldn't do. Mommy and Daddy told him not to do it either, and his teachers, his principal, the choir director....

Something crashed to a bush behind him and he seized up, teeth clamped on his lip to keep the tears in.

There is no beast, there is no beast, there is no beast, there is no-

"God, damn it-!" 

Simon relaxed a bit as he recognised Ralph's voice, but curled further into the bushes. The blond was probably coming to reprimand Simon for stealing away again, even though he had been told not to at the assembly two nights before. New tears stung his eyes at the thought of Ralph yelling at him again, rebuking him again-

A tiny, thin wail, more like a whine, pulled itself from Simon's throat. Ralph stopped stumbling through the creepers and ferns at the noise. 

"Simon?" 

Simon groaned in displeasure and glanced up, trying his best to rub the tears away before the leader found him.

\----

Ralph followed the slightly disgruntled noise into a swath of ferns, in which there was a small, tan-skinned boy, curled up and shivering. He looked up and around, examining the area where Simon rested.

"Is this where you come to in the middle of the night?" Ralph snorted. "This place isn't that great. Not great enough for all of your sneaking about."

Simon shifted his weight in the plants and sniffled. "I'm sorry." He whimpered. The blond's gaze immediately snapped from the trees to Simon and, feeling guilty for whatever reason, he sat down heavily next to him.

"Sorry for what?" He asked curiously, voice childishly innocent in a way that made Simon giggle just a bit. Ralph ignored the laughter and waited for the other to actually answer. 

"I left. Again. Uh... Without telling you. And I-I know I-I'm no-not s'pposed to, Ralph, I-I-" 

Simon dissolved into tears and Ralph was a bit intimidated. He'd seen people angry, fine, he knew how to argue. He'd seen people happy, too, fine, he knew how to joke. But only God knew how to cheer up a crying person and Ralph wasn't feeling much like a prophet.

"Jeez, Simon." He managed. "Don't cry."

To Ralph's surprise, it worked, a little. Simon choked back his sobs in a neat, quiet type way, looking up at the chief with big, hopeful eyes. His hand began to work the grass below him.

"I don't mean to be strange." He whispered, and Ralph turned away from him as this topic came up. "I don't mean to be different, Ralph, and I don't mean for them to hate me. I just want to help."

This confession made Ralph have to clutch tight to the leaves below his hands.

"They don't hate you..." He tried the generic approach that never really worked. He heard Simon shift around and breathe out shakily.

"They sure act like it, Ralph." He sighed, sounding a little frightened. Having gained a rather motherly-type approach to the sound of worry in someone's voice, the blond turned back to Simon, who continued to stare at him earnestly, as though he really, really needed Ralph to see this. "They treat me like I'm... like I've been bad to them. I-I-I..." He began to dissolve again, face crumpling into one of pain, the type you don't get from a wound. "I'm sorry." He said breathily. "I just want you to like me, is all."

\----

Simon had meant "you" in a general sense, Ralph being the embodiment of all the other boys. But he realised how what he said could be misheard as what was probably making Ralph stare at him like this. Wide, blue eyes and a startled expression rimmed with some other emotion. An emotion that created soft, flowing colour along Ralph's face; a calm, but strong emotion.

"Ralph-" he squeaked, blushing madly. "I didn't... Ah, I didn't mean-"

The blond watched him fluster for a little while, and Simon continued choking stupidly on his words until he felt tears come to his eyes again. And when he glanced again at Ralph, it seemed that the taller boy was not at all fazed by what he’d originally said like he’d thought. 

“Simon.” Ralph muttered when Simon had successfully calmed himself down. He turned away from the blond rather than toward him and replied softly.

“Yes?”

“I have to go talk to Jack about who’s next for the fire.” The older’s tone was very official. “You’re gonna have to come on with me. Can’t have you scaring littluns, right?” 

Simon looked further from Ralph and nodded.

“And, uh…” 

A tiny smile perked the corners of Simon’s mouth as Ralph’s authoritative tone faltered. Simon was very fond of the blond and knew he made a solid, capable leader, but his favourite moments with Ralph were the ones where he was not Chief. The ones where he was just a boy again, at ease, and the shield gone from behind his eyes.

“Yes, Ralph?” Simon asked quietly, gaze remaining steadily on the gradually darkening woods.

“I need you to help me rebalance that last shelter. It’s, er, a little wobbly.”

When Ralph stood up to leave, Simon finally looked up at him. Slight frame, fair skin, soulful blue eyes that glistened in the faint light, lips parted slightly in confusion-

Blushing at the realisation that he was staring, Simon pushed to his feet and nodded once to Ralph to let him know that he was ready to go. Ralph blinked himself out of some sort of daze and nodded back. The two of them started to head back through the trees together.

\----

Ralph didn’t necessarily dislike the woods, but he didn’t at all understand why Simon preferred to spend his time encased between the ground and the canopy, surrounded on all sides. Ralph much preferred the open beach, the licking waves, the cool light of the moon.

“Ralph!” 

The chief turned at the sound of Jack’s voice. The redhead was trotting over with Roger looking sullen at his side. Jack looked angry and flustered, and when he stopped before Ralph, he shot a narrow glare at Simon.

“Where’ve you been? I can’t bloody well hunt if you’re not here mothering the littluns!”

Ralph didn’t know which part of that comment to shrug off and which to comment on.

“Well what's Piggy and Samneric for, then? And anyhow, you’re not to be hunting at all, Jack,” he sighed, a broken record. Jack waved this off.

“And Fatty over there’s been blubbering away the whole time, Ralph, I-”

“You leave Piggy alone.” Ralph hissed. “You’d make a terrible chief, looking for me all over the place.” Jack started to comment on this blow and Roger flinched, but the blond ignored them and pressed on, needing answers, becoming aware of Simon shuffling uncomfortably under Jack’s repeated glares. “Who’s tending the fire?”

The redhead’s glare shifted to Ralph. “I just sent Harold up.”

Ralph nodded. “Good. Have you eaten?”

Jack and Roger glanced at each other, then at Ralph. “We were hunting-”

“Go.” Ralph just huffed it out, irritated with these fools for not even caring for themselves- “Take all your hunters and Simon and go on to find yourself some fruit. Take care to be quiet, littluns are prolly sleeping.”

Jack sized Ralph up before accepting the order with a rough, “yes, Chief.” 

Ralph stepped out of Simon’s way, only then remembering that he was even there. He felt Simon’s fingers brush his arm but he ignored it. 

“Ralph, wait, I’ve eaten-” Simon tried, voice growing shriller. Ralph stopped, glancing at the fearful look in the younger’s green eyes and remembering that the choir was aggressive toward him. Feeling heat rise to his face, he nodded. 

“Okay, then. Come help Piggy and I fix up that shelter.” Relieved, Simon started to follow, but Jack spun around, grabbing Simon’s wrist and holding it away from where he’d been reaching to touch Ralph. 

“Come with us, Simon.” He snarled. He cast a sidelong glance at Ralph, probably trying to show he was a real leader and that real leaders took authority over their followers. Ralph hesitated, torn between not wanting to look too soft and wanting to keep Simon out of harm’s way.

“Yes. Nevermind. Go on with the choir, Simon.” Simon looked scared and hurt, but Ralph just stared at him, and then shoved him lightly away. “Be back before the moon rises too high.” He said, turning away from the three boys. The choir had to eat, anyway, and he wanted to talk with Piggy.

\----

Simon walked along with the choir, head down and standing near the very back as they perused the fruit trees in the darkness of night. He fiddled with the top button on his shirt as the others picked up a creepy, dark, chanted rendition of one of his favourite choir songs.

"Darkness falls over the meadow  
Singing voices, fill the echo  
Feel the snow fall on your face  
Running from the lasting chase."

Simon didn’t like when they chanted. It felt wrong, all wrong. Boys didn’t chant, they sang. Chanting sounded harsh, evil, like the thunder rumbling before a kill.

"Darkness falling. Darkness falling. Feel the snow fall. Feel the snow fall-"

“Look, Simon’s crying!”

“What a baby!”

“What you cryin’ for?”

Simon stopped as they did, all of the boys turning on him and Jack moving to the front of the line with a steady grin, Roger loyally at his side with the same glare.

“What’s’a matter, Simon? Feelin’ nutty?” One of the boys called from the ranks, but Jack hushed him menacingly. 

“Simon’s too soft, yeah?” Jack asked, looking down at Simon. The smaller boy’s heart pounded in his chest. There is no beast, there is no beast, there is no beast-

“Feel like we oughta toughen him up, yeah? He can’t be a hunter if he’s always crying!”

The other boys cheered softly, agreeing. Simon was confused. 

“I-I don’t want to be a hunter,” he mumbled, “I don’t like to kill things.”

“You’re going to be a hunter.” Jack growled.

“I don’t want to, I don’t want to kill-”

“Aw, shut it,” Roger snapped, “everyone feels something when they kill.”

The group started to press in. Simon was starting to panic, and all of them could see it, could watch his innocent vulnerability shine through. This time around there was no water to playfully push him under, no conch to rip from his hands. It was him and the choirboys.

“Jack, what’re you doing?” Simon whimpered, backing away from the pressing crowd. “C’mon.” Simon knew that there was something wrong with Jack and Roger, he’d known it since they got on the island. The two of them in charge of the hunting, too reckless, too violent, nothing like Ralph.

“Simon, you’re in the choir, which means you’re a hunter, like us.” Jack declared. The boys, with residue of paint from the last hunt on their faces, raged and cheered behind the redhead. “That means I’m your leader. You do as I say. And you do not cry.”

Simon bit his lip. “Ralph’s chief-”

“I just said I am your leader.” Jack growled, and to Simon’s horror, the boys behind him started to brandish sticks. He shrunk back. "You’re a choir boy. You are going to hunt with us. And when we make our own tribe -” Whooping sounded from the crowd, hidden by the dark- “you’re going to come with us.”

Simon trembled.

“I’ll show Ralph who’s not a good chief.” Jack snapped, turning back towards his choir. “Look who’ll have a bigger tribe when worst comes to worst.”

Simon fled.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m worried about Jack.”

Ralph and Piggy were splayed out on the leafy bottom of the strongest shelter, alone with their conversation as the choir were out and most of the littluns slept in the rickety one. Ralph was laid out, looking at the roof of the shelter, while Piggy sat up beside him, picking at the conch.

“I been sayin’ that, Ralph, from the start-”

“No, but seriously, now. He’s much too violent, with all of his stupid hunting. Maybe we should take his hunters from him.”

“Don’t do that, Ralph,” Piggy mumbled dutifully, “you’ll just make him angrier.” 

“What do I do, then? I can’t have him going off all the time, I need him and his biguns here, to help.”

“Maybe you should stick about, instead of going off with batty ol’ Simon all of the time.”

Heat crept up Ralph’s neck and he sat up, staring at the faint glint of Piggy’s glasses. 

“What do you mean?” He asked nervously, and Piggy shifted.

“You were out in that forest till sundown. I had to use the conch and remind Jack to send up a hunter.” 

“Well, good. You can be my second-in-command, then, like Jack has Roger.”

“Jack and Roger are together all of the time, Ralph. Jack’s always about, tellin’ Roger what ‘e has to do. You can’t just leave me by myself, Ralph, I ain’t no leader-”

“Shut up.”

“Now, you gotta stop sayin’ that to me, I don’t like it-”

“No, Piggy, shush! I hear something!”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting all caught up in this ghost nonsense. Last time it was just Simon, ‘member?”

“Would you hush?”

From the direction of the border of the forest, there was the sound of twigs snapping and branches rustling. 

“If they went hunting again, I swear- It was a bad idea to just send the hunters out. Maybe I shoulda sent more than just Simon with them-”

“There you go, on Simon again.”

“He’s my friend, Piggy.”

“Seems you’re obsessed with him.”

“You’re too nosy. I need to keep him in line with the others.”

“Ralph!” A new voice joined in the conversation, a soft one, one that Ralph recognised immediately. 

“Last shelter down!” He called softly, not trying to wake any littluns just in time to hear everyone crashing about. Footsteps approached the shelter until there was a loud, soft ‘pouf’ as Simon fell in the sand. Then the leaves in the entrance were flung to the side and Ralph was tackled to the ground by the warm weight of a person. He could feel Simon’s hair tickling the sides of his cheeks and his hands on either side of his head. As far as he could tell, his hips were being straddled. Both boys remained frozen like statues, and Ralph could see Simon’s eyes glinting in the light from Piggy’s glasses. 

“H-hullo.” Ralph stuttered dumbly. Simon’s nose touched his ever so lightly and the warmth hit him harder.

“Sorry, Ralph.” The smaller boy whimpered, sitting back on his knees and allowing Ralph to prop himself up on his elbows. Simon’s weight remained on his lap. “I didn’t mean to, I just… Jack’s planning something.”

The blond forgot all of his embarrassment. He grabbed Simon by the shoulders, letting go tightly as the brunet whimpered in shock. “What do you mean?”

Simon wriggled awkwardly, and Ralph started to grow uncomfortably warm. “He said he’s gonna start his own tribe, Ralph, you gotta rein him in, you’re chief, you’re better, and nicer-”

“Hold on, Simon, what do you mean ‘starting his own tribe’?” 

“He and the choir, they backed me up, they… Jack said that when he starts his own tribe, he wants all the choirboys-”

“He has all his choirboys!”

“He doesn’t have me, Ralph, I want to stay with you.”

“You will be staying with me. I’m chief and I’m in control! Jack has no right!”

“No.” Simon agreed quietly. Ralph put his hands back on Simon’s shoulders. 

“Thanks, young Simon.”

The glint of Simon’s eyes disappeared as he blinked. “You’re welcome.” He breathed.

“What’re we gonna do, Ralph?” Piggy asked. Ralph had honestly forgotten that he was there. 

“I’m going to talk to Jack when he gets back.” He growled. “Ain’t got no right to be acting the way he is.”

\----

All three boys fell asleep in a pile in the shelters before Jack’s hunters returned. When Simon woke up, however, the shelter was still dark and considerably warmer as the choir was now snoring and grunting all around him. Someone’s arm was draped over his shoulder and if he moved, the elbow in his gut would probably impale him. Very uncomfortable and very unnerving.

Holding in his breathing so that he didn’t wake anyone up by accident, Simon gently pushed away the hands holding him down and sat up. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, and began to head for the entrance to the shelter. As he emerged into the pleasantly cooler and freer air, he stretched his arms over his head and glanced up at the sparkling stars that glimmered around the moon. 

The air was still and smelled of salt from the ocean waves lapping at the shore. Simon thought of picking his way down to the water’s edge, but instead he glanced towards the dark of the trees. If he left now, he’d come back after the sun came up so that the littluns wouldn’t see him. Tiny bridges of dark purple light were starting to glaze the horizon. Yes, morning would come soon. Simon really wanted to be there to watch the world wake up around him.

As soon as he took a step toward the treeline, the leaves rustled behind him. He flinched, thinking it was a choirboy come to call him crazy again, or a beast.

“Simon, I told you a hundred times, you’re not to go out when it’s dark.”

Simon’s shoulders slumped. “Sorry, Ralph.”

“Don’t be sorry, just go back to bed.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s… too crowded. I don’t like it.”

“Oh.”

“Hm.”

Simon turned to face Ralph, having slaughtered the conversation. The blond was vaguely illuminated by the approaching dawn. 

“Ralph, can I please go?”

“Simon…”

“Please?” He begged, clasping his fingers and shaking them in Ralph’s direction. Ralph hesitated, glancing at the shelter and then at the forest’s border. “I promise that I’ll be back after the sun rises so I don’t bother anyone.”

“Where are you going?”

“To a place that I know.”

“The same place I told you to stop going to?”

“I...er...yes.”

“What kind of chief would I be if I let you do something I told you not to do?”

“Ralph, you’re the best pick for chief on this island, I promise you. I just want to go and see the forest waking up.”

“That sounds nutty.”

“No, no! It’s lovely.” Simon glanced at the encroaching horizon and then back at Ralph. He tried to bargain. “You could come with me.”

“What good does that serve?”

Simon realised that he was the one that wanted Ralph to come along, not that Ralph would have wanted to come along. A nervous blush tingled on his face. 

“Er… you just… I mean… It’s calming. And I know you’re stressed, with being leader and all.” Simon attempted to save himself from the embarrassment, but tripped over his words like a fool instead. Ralph glanced at the shelter again, then the sun. 

“Fine.” He mumbled.

“Okay, I- Really? Oh, thank you, Ralph!”

“I’m coming with you, to supervise. And we must be back before the others wake up. I have to talk to Jack.”

Ignoring the tiny pang that Ralph would rather talk to Jack then spend time with him (please don’t be jealous, he’s angry with Jack, remember?), Simon grinned happily and gestured toward the forest. 

“Let me take you."

\----

Jack had peered out of his shelter after realising that Ralph and Simon were missing, but Piggy and the twins remained. He’d heard most of their conversation, and Simon sounded nutty and Ralph weak-willed, as per usual.

Jack was still steamed at the little brunet for running off and likely telling Ralph about his secret plans, but what could he have expected from the stupid marshmallow? Of course he’d go running to the weaker leader, try to get protection from the stronger. Like Ralph’s submissive, emotional leader approach would do anything.

This beast thing was already making the boys’ listening skill drop by about 80%, and Ralph was getting frustrated and the boys were getting scared.

This place they were going now, Simon often went to in the middle of the night. Simon, the one everyone already thought was insane. 

Jack grinned and ducked into the shelter to get Roger up. These facts, these were optimal for the plan forming in his head.

Who needed a tiny-ass group of hunters when he could have an entire tribe of scared, angry boys at his side?

He’d show Ralph who was a better leader.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter.

Ralph was not tired, he was just fed up with crashing through trees that were cutting his face while Simon was ducking and avoiding every stupid branch like a little cat. 

“How much farther?” He said, not trying to let his voice fade into a whine but coming pretty close. Simon stopped trotting and glanced at him, eyes glimmering with excitement. 

“We’re here,” he breathed with a laugh. “Come.”

He leaped down off some bushes and ran into a tangle of trees. Ralph groaned and followed him into the spot that looked like it would hide the milky light of approaching day. Simon was crouched in front of a tangle of creepers hanging from a few trees. Ralph couldn’t believe the happiness and freedom on the boy’s face as he gestured to the hanging vines.

“In here, Ralph.” Simon informed him, and then pulled aside the cover, grinned, and slipped inside.

“Hold on-” Ralph yelped, crashing through the vines before he was left alone out here. Simon was right there on the other side of the barrier, lips parted in wonder, eyes wide as he breathed deeply. He looked sideways at the blond and then nodded him along. 

“If you hold still and hold your hand out like this, Ralph? You’ll catch butterflies on your arm, look.”

Ralph watched while Simon stuck his arm up in the air and stared up at the sky, a lazy grin sprawled on his face. Ralph had no idea why Simon thought he’d want to do something so stupid and girly like catch butterflies on his hand, but he leaned against one of the trees barring the grassy clearing and watched while the smaller boy’s gaze flickered about.

After a silent while of Simon shooting a few sorry glances to an increasingly impatient Ralph, a tiny orange butterfly perched delicately on Simon’s middle finger. Eyes wide, the brunet brought his hand down to his face to examine it. 

“Ralph, c’mere,” he breathed, wonder filling his voice. “Come, quick.”

Happy to have something to do now, the taller boy pushed off of the tree he’d been falling asleep against and headed to Simon. 

“Put your hand next to mine,” the shorter one mumbled, walking ever so slowly closer to Ralph until they were only separated by their hands before their faces. Simon nudged Ralph’s hand with his so that the winged insect was startled and crawled onto it. Ralph fidgeted under the weird feeling on his hand as the butterfly flapped its wings a bit.

“Simon-”

“Yes?”

“What’s it doing?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I think it’s happy.”

Their eyes met over the butterfly and Simon smiled a little bit, forcing Ralph to smile back. Their gazes didn’t even shift as the insect flew off of Ralph’s hand and he lowered it back to his side. Simon’s eyes were bright, the same colour as the canopy above him, and glimmering softly as his expression faded from content to flustered. Realising that the closeness was making Simon nervous made Ralph feel nervous, warmth filling his face. Feeling the need to do something, say something, he reached down to brush some of the boy’s black hair from his eyes.

“I can’t see your eyes,” he mumbled stupidly when Simon flinched. He tensed as the other reached up to push his hair back in retaliation.

“Yours are the colour of the sea,” Simon murmured. 

They were so close that their breaths mixed in the warming dawn light. Ralph’s heart rate increased until he could feel it fluttering about, but it was a good fluttering. Simon’s tiny pink tongue flicked out to wet his lips and this made Ralph feel very uncomfortable for some reason. 

He’d seen people kissing before, but it was always a man and a woman, and they were in love, not friends. Was Ralph in love with Simon? Is that why he wanted so badly to lean down and kiss him? Should he kiss him? Would Simon like it? Well, what did he care? He was chief, he could ask anyone to do whatever he wanted.

Chief!

“I have to go speak with Jack before he runs off!” Ralph yelped suddenly, backing away from Simon and rushing out of the clearing with a sudden sense of urgency that made sparks in his mind.

\----

Ralph didn’t bother to check on Simon as he blundered through the abundance of trees, not sure where he was going but sure he’d get back somehow. He had to hurry, Jack was a huge flight risk nowadays-

“Ralph, izzat you?” 

The sun was bright in the sky when the blond finally tripped onto the beach and stumbled back to his feet in the hot sand. Piggy and Samneric stood there, looking either blank or stunned, and one of the twins had a stream of blood coming from his nose. The sand around them was scuffed and pitted, and they were alone.

Ralph had to gasp his breath back before he could ask: “What’s happened? Where is everyone?” 

He wanted Piggy to say ‘gone for a bathe.’ He wanted the answer to be ‘viewing the fire.’ He would have honestly accepted ‘gone hunting.’

“They left.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was not at all supposed to have a plot but OK.


	4. Chapter 4

Simon kept his disappointment bitten back as best he could as he followed Ralph’s trail of trampled undergrowth out of the forest, noticing that he’d taken the long way back. He didn’t at all expect it to be so bright when he emerged onto the beach, shelters in view behind Piggy and Samneric standing there.

Dead-eyed. 

And Ralph in front of them, tense, fists clenched.

Angry.

“What’s happened?” He whimpered, walking out onto the hot sand. 

Ralph turned slowly, gaze narrow and disgusted like when Jack had let the fire go out. Piggy’s eyes tapered and Samneric blanched.

“Jack done took all the other boys to the other side of the island,” Piggy said. “Said that you was conversin’ with the beast every night when you went out and this time you took Ralph with ya. Tryna make ‘im talk to the beast. Jack said that you’re gonna train the beast to kill us, ‘cause you’re a nutter. Said he was gonna rescue everyone, get them trained up to fight the beast. I told ‘im!”

Piggy turned to Ralph, whose breathing was steadily growing deeper and tears were forming in his eyes. “I told him he was lyin’ and that Ralph was the chief, but they don’t listen to me. They’s like a bunch of stupid kids!”

Simon, pale and shaking, turned to Ralph. “I-I-I’m-”

“Damn it, Simon!” Ralph cried, dam breaking, tears beginning to spill over. His face was red and his expression was so hurt, so betrayed- “I told you not to go out at night! I told you to go back to bed!”

“Ralph, I’m sorry-!”

“No, you’re not!” Ralph shrieked, frenzied. Simon knew he’d messed up this time, and his vision started to become blurred with hot tears as Ralph reprimanded him, loudly and harshly. “This is what happens when you don’t listen to the leader! All of them, gone! We’re going to die here! We’re all going to die, Simon, and it’s all your fault!”

“Pl-please-”

“I told you not to go! And you made me come with you! And now… and now…”

Simon noticed that this happened to Ralph sometimes. His words failed him, but not in an embarrassed way, almost like his mind had to catch up with his mouth. A glaze fell over his eyes as his breathing deepened. Then the mask fell away and Ralph looked back up, stared Simon dead in the eyes.

“Leave.”

The word flew over Simon’s head and hit the water behind him. He stood there, unmoving.

“I told you he was a nutter, Ralph, I told you to leave him be-”

“You shut up, Piggy!” Ralph growled, whipping around to face his friend. “Why couldn’t you do something to keep them about? You’re useless!” 

Piggy took off his glasses and stood still. Ralph turned back to Simon, gaze steady, more composed. 

“Get out. You’re exiled.”

Exiled? “No, Ralph, please! Please let me stay, I know you can get them back, you’re a good chief-”

“A good chief would have made his orders clear. A good chief has a tribe. What have I got? Leftovers. I’ve got Useless, Two-In-One and Batty.” Ralph looked down, turned away. “I’m no chief. But my last act as leader is to make you leave. I can handle a stick pretty well, I’m not worse than those hunters.” Ralph’s gaze was steel, and Simon trembled from the emotions that crisscrossed one another in his mind from the solid barrier in the blond’s eyes.

“If you come back here, young Simon, you’ll be the first to die on this island.”

Tears burning, heart pounding, Simon turned his back on Ralph and headed out into the trees without another word.

\----

“I told you, Ralph, I told you not to act so obsessed with him-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Ralph snarled, whirling to glare Piggy straight in the eye. The swear word stunned the bespectacled brunet into silence. “Go the hell away, you useless fatty!”

The two stared at each other for a moment before Piggy turned tiredly and padded towards the shore. Ralph turned to Samneric, who clutched at each other, glancing at where Simon disappeared to, and then at the former leader. 

“Could you two go and tend the fire?” Ralph asked tiredly. The twins nodded in sync and took off without saying anything. 

Alone with the hot sun beating down on his head, Ralph collapsed weakly into the sand with a faint plouf sound. And he yelled. He screamed at the sky and the sea and the trees and at Jack and Roger and Piggy and at Simon. Tears streamed down his face because now he’d lost everything, his hope, his tribe, his friends, Piggy, Jack, Simon.

What was love, really? What did it mean? What was it supposed to mean to a twelve year old? Because all Ralph could feel was an anger at the small, ink-haired boy, but all he wanted for comfort was to be back in the clearing with him, chasing butterflies and not worrying about being chief. 

He stopped screaming and ducked his head, sobs racking his shoulders and loneliness crushing him like a vice. Just the four of them would never keep a fire. The littluns on Jack’s side might starve and die for all Jack cared.

Jack. “What did you want to prove, Jack!?” Ralph yowled at the sky. “You took everything from me, is that what you wanted? I’m no longer chief, is that what you wanted? You can burn out the fire and hunt all the pigs you want now! I don’t care!”

Throat sore, Ralph looked around as though Jack would answer him. As though someone was there. He leaned his head into his lap.

Everything was gone now.


	5. Chapter 5

Stupid

selfish

lovesick

useless

fucking

little 

bitch!

Simon hated swears, they made him feel dirty, so he thought them, and boy did he scream them loud in his head as he lay on his side in the clearing and tore flowers to pieces by the handful. 

You’re selfish and dirty and you’ll never deserve Ralph. You let all the others get away. Think of all the animals that’ll die now! All the littluns ignored, all the screaming, the killing, the dark, dangerous chanting-

Simon stopped tearing the flowers and gazed at their torn petals blearily, taking on secondary guilt for tearing up the clumps of purity that grew from the ground. Nature was clean and beautiful, built by a team of different types of creatures under their leader, the sun.

That’s it. Ralph was the sun to Simon’s flower. The sun nurtured him, made him feel whole, safe, without even knowing that he did it; just doing it because that’s who he was and what he did. He trusted Ralph. A few hours without him would be fine, but without him forever-

“I’ll wither and die.” he murmured aloud to the torn petals strewn over the grass. His breathing got heavier and harder as tears formed a waterfall on his cheeks. He licked his lips and rolled over in the grass and choked back heavy sobs. 

He wanted Ralph to hold him. To support him. And knowing that seeing Ralph again would kill him was actually killing him. 

\----

These kids needed to know that something was getting done about this beast issue. Jack needed to keep them in line somehow and that way was letting them know that this beast was being killed one piece at a time. 

Roger and Maurice helped him to plan it out. They were good friends. Jack grinned and licked his lips, letting Roger smudge berry-red war paint on his cheeks.

“This is going to be brilliant,” Maurice crowed, waiting for Roger to finish with Jack so he could have his face painted. “You’re a good leader, Jack.”

“Yeah,” Jack agreed, “this oughta keep ‘em all in line just fine. They’ll think I’m the best chief ever.”

“You are,” Maurice said, picking up one of the coconut shells full of paint and staring expectantly at Roger.

“Wait.” Roger growled, slapping the shell from the auburn-haired boy’s hands with his red-smeared fingers. He returned to Jack’s face with too much force and God knew they’d need Roger’s reckless violence for this task. 

“What do you think, Roger?” Jack asked, looking for the dark-haired boy’s input, as the silent boy rarely ever showed his opinion. Roger’s nails dug into Jack’s cheek. “Oi!” He snapped, but Roger was lost.

“I think the little flower-picker’s got what’s coming to him.” He snarled lowly. A smirk crossed his face and he looked up into Jack’s eyes, a kind of craze flashing through his glare. “I think we can scare these kids into loving you.”

The three of them chuckled softly in the low dusk light.

\----

Simon had lost count of the days. They all blurred into each other as the loneliness blanketed him like the darkness of the night. Every rustle in the trees, Simon wished was Ralph, coming to get him, ask him to come back, and in the most bruised parts of his heart, he wished that the choirboys would come back, too. 

He ate, and he slept, and sometimes he climbed trees, but mostly… mostly he cried. He hated rolling in self-pity but… but he was broken in every aspect and everyone hated him for a different reason and he hated himself for not being what they wanted. 

We just wanted to be loved. Understood. He didn’t want to be feared, hated, bullied.

“Please come back!” He shouted to no one, nowhere, nothing at all.

\----

Ralph flinched as Piggy collapsed beside him, cleaning his one good glass and not saying a word in the fading light of day. He shifted uncomfortably because he knew what Piggy wanted and, God, did he want to say it-

“Piggy.”

“Yes, Ralph.”

“I’m sorry. For what I said. To you. I’m sorry I called you useless and fat, I-I didn’t mean any of it. I’m sorry.” 

“You oughta be.” Piggy said, returning his glasses to his face and glaring off at the water. “That was somethin’ Jack woulda said to me.”

“‘M sorry.” 

“Anger makes people crazy, Ralph.” Piggy said, and Ralph knew that he was going to get all wise on him. “I seen it everywhere. People hit ‘n scream ‘n fight ‘n steal. You hurt people when you’re mad, Ralph.”

“I hurt Simon.”

“That’s not what I was talking about.”

“What’s he gotten himself into, Piggy? Where d’you think he is?”

 

“Ralph.”

“What?”

“D’you love Simon?”

“Yes.” 

Ralph’s heart froze in his chest at how automatic the answer was. “I-I mean, what do you mean?”

Piggy just nodded at the sea. “I knew it.” He tapped his head childishly. “I know some things, about people, Ralph. I’m not all science ‘n governement.”

“You sound like my mother,” Ralph complained distractedly, and then glanced at his friend and grinned. “Piggy?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we friends again?”

“I never stopped being your friend, chief.”

The made Ralph’s smile fade. “Chief.” He turned the word over in his mind. “Piggy, what do you think Jack’s doing? It can’t all be fun and games.”

“Knowing Jack, he’s probably chasing some poor littlun with sticks.” Piggy shrugged. “D’you want to go check up on him?”

Ralph brightened. “D’you know where he is?”

“He told us before he left,” Piggy said, nodding. “He said, ‘If anyone wants to join me, I’ll be by the Castle Rock.Y’know, the place you explored without me on the first day?”

“I gave you a job! Watching the littluns!”

“Sucks to the littluns!”

Both boys chuckled.

“So do we go to the Castle Rock, then?”

“If you wanna find out what Jack’s been up to, I suppose. You gotta be careful though, Ralph, theres a lot more of them than there is of us. And I can’t run too fast, on account of my asthma.”

“Sucks to your ass-mar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in too deep.


	6. Chapter 6

"Now, Roger, wait-"

"We've waited long enough!" Roger whipped around harshly and snarled at Maurice. "Jack said we would, Maurice! He said it days ago!"

"Calm down-"

Surprisingly, Roger's flaring temper started to reduce itself to a heated simmer, but underneath his olive skin shone an angry flush. He stalked around the rough surface of the top of Castle Rock, kicking aside pebbles. Blood roared in his ears.

"What's so bad, anyway?" Robert asked curiously from where he dangled on a ledge over their heads. Sunlight slanted overhead and created a hard shadow over the blond's face. There was no fire burning atop the rock.

"A patrol needs to be sent up to the mountain. For fire."

A new voice joined the conversation before Roger could reply. Maurice and Robert snapped to attention, scrambling to stand up straight. Roger remained seated, glaring down over the treetops.

"Who goes there?" Robert demanded, even though they all knew who it was.

"It's me. Jack. And Bill, and Henry."

"Did you catch anything?" 

There was a pause.

"Let us up."

There was no need for the choirboys to move as there was shuffling and then Jack stood before Roger on the path, glaring down. The raven scanned his leader. The redhead's feet and hands were bleeding, and his chest was splattered with blood that he didn't own.

"Unsuccessful?" Roger snarked.

"Shut up," Jack mumbled, trying to edge around him. 

"The kids aren't going to like that." Is all Roger said before letting Jack by.

"The 'kids' are going to enjoy our next hunt." The leader snarled, shoving rocks over the path's edge. Roger flicked one of the pebbles at Jack's bleeding ankles and smirked when he cried out.

"So you're ready to give the speech?" Maurice asked, suddenly excited at the idea of the hunt. Roger glared bitterly at him; he wasn't this eager a moment ago. 

As Bill and Henry edged past, straightening their caps, Jack looked Maurice directly in the eye. 

"Yes. Gather the littluns."

"If only we had a conch, like Ralph," Henry mumbled, "we wouldn't have to-" He broke off with a startled yelp as Roger snatched his leg.

"We don't speak of him here," Jack said to him without turning around. "We are brave, strong hunters and we don't speak of cowards." 

Henry nodded eagerly as Roger dug his chewed-up nails into his ankle with force.

"Okay." He cried out as Jack's gaze flared and Roger's grip tightened, "Okay!"

The raven-haired boy looked up at the chief, half his face illuminated by early sunlight. Jack nodded and Roger released Henry, grinning as he noticed that he was strong enough to draw blood on the blond's leg that dribbled satisfyingly onto the rock.

"Speech now, chief?" Maurice asked, just starting to relax from the hard stance of attention. Jack seemed to calm a bit. 

"Gather the littluns." He said again, continuing up the track to the surface of the Rock. Roger smirked, wiping the blood from his fingernails onto his shorts.

"Finally," he hissed, getting up to follow.

\----

Simon loved flowers. He loved them. He wove them into beautiful crowns of corresponding colours and collected them. In a plot of flattened grass lay the neatly placed and already dying flowers, stacked atop each other with delicate precision.

After a while, Simon noticed how perfectly they matched up with his friends' hair colours. Pink, orange, blue for Samneric, identical in pattern. He didn't even remember doing that. Bright shades of red for Piggy, weaved expertly and braided neatly. Blue and yellow for Jack. Red and yellow, sloppily woven, for Roger. He hadn't done the rest of the choir, though.

In his hands, he held the most beautifully constructed crown, flowers twined into each other, tight, even and orderly, in shades of pastel pink, purple and blue. All around him still grew the same types of flowers, but these ones, made into a perfect halo, were special somehow, and Simon knew that this crown was for Ralph.

Struck again by a feeling of crippling loneliness, Simon deposited the ring of colour onto the other delicate stems he'd created. He looked at his work with pride for but a moment, and then plucked a blue flower and got to work again,eager for something to do.

"I wonder what else there is to eat about here," Simon mused aloud. Alone, the small boy could let his thoughts roam beyond his own head, and he discussed a good deal of matters with himself. "I wonder if there's any bees, any honey." He stopped his thought at that and continued his flower crown, smiling softly as it began to come together nicely.

Something rustled in the bushes behind him. He glanced up, looking around nervously. "Hello?" He squeaked. He squeezed the stems of the flowers tight, but nothing moved. Blinking a few times to reset himself, Simon returned his attention to his craft, moving a little to the left, away from the bushes.

\----

"Are you ready, Ralph?"

"Do you think we oughta bring the conch?"

"Will they listen to you without it?"

"I'm the... I'm the chief."

"That's not what they think. They think you're a nutter."

Ralph glared at Piggy, even though he spoke the truth. The shorter boy held out the conch shell for him, not smiling but giving a look that Ralph found reassuring. He took the pinky shell from Piggy and nodded. 

"Yes, alright." He said, and turned. "Let's go."

"Ralph!"

"Where're you going?"

"Not up with-"

"Jack's lot-"

"Are you?"

Ralph had barely even remembered that the twins were in the shelters behind him. He turned to them just as Piggy did. The two were bundled atop each other, Sam clinging to Eric's tattered shirt and both watching him with owl-wide eyes.

"You two have to stay," Ralph demanded, running his fingers down the points on the conch. "You have to watch the shelters in case Jack's tribe attacks." 

"So you are?"

"You're going?" 

The two scrambled of of the biguns' shelter and trotted across the sand until they stood only a foot away from Ralph. Their midnight-blue eyes scanned his straightened shirt, the conch in his hands. Ralph found himself a bit creeped out by how they moved in perfect unison and gave him the same hurt, frightened look. 

"Yes, we're going. We need to get the group back if we're to uphold anything. As it stands, the signal fire is getting weaker."

"Ralph, I though' you said that we were just gonna check on 'em." Piggy pointed out worriedly, extending a finger correctively.

"What good’ll it do going back there and not bringing any boys here?” Ralph questioned his friend confusedly, turning his gaze up towards the desperately small signal fire and then to Castle Rock, which stood out stoically against the blue-grey backdrop of the sky. “We need them to come back, Piggy. If Jack wants to hunt, that’s fine, but he doesn’t need all those boys.”

“I don’t think-”

“That it’s about huntin’ no more, Ralph.”

“I think Jack wants-”

“Somethin’ else.”

Ralph slowly turned back toward the twins, examining their open, scared expressions.

“Like what?” He asked. They shrugged, however.

“They’re prolly right, Ralph.” Piggy pointed out. “Jack was real excited when he took all those boys. They was real loud.”  
Ralph hugged the conch tight to his chest, feeling the points dig into his skin. 

“Jack’ll listen to me.” He said slowly, mostly to himself. The others gave each other doubtful looks, but he went on, voice louder. “He has to. I’m chief.”

He nodded with decision, spinning on his heel towards Castle Rock. 

“We’re going. And they’ll be coming back with us.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Home sick today so let's keep this story rolling! 
> 
> Minor mentions of accidental self-harm.

"What're you doing, Roger? There's blood on your hand."

"'M passin' the time, Henry. Shut up."

"You're hurting yourself." 

"I'll hurt you in a minute."

"Now, now, Roger." The dark-haired boy clasped his hands together to hide the irritated skin and looked up fiercely. "You know that we're only supposed to treat traitors like that." Jack approached the two lookouts with a swagger, coming to rest proudly by Roger's side and looking down over the forest.

"Merridew? Er- Jack?" Henry asked, and Jack cast him a sharp glare. "Sorry. Chief?" 

"What is it, Henry?" The redhead acknowledged, an air of superiority forming around him. Roger returned to his previous task of grinding rocks absently between his reddened palms.

"Why are we going to do this to Simon? Isn't he our... our friend?" 

Roger ground harder on the rocks as the thought of Simon's pure, thoughtful gaze flickered in his mind.

"Are you questioning my authority?" Jack snarled, tensing. Henry threw his hands up in defence, shaking his head nervously.

"No, no. You're chief, Jack, and I'll do as you say over what Ralph says any day."

Jack seemed to visibly relax as the blond boy continued to speak.

"But I thought we liked Simon."

"He wasn't a good soprano," Jack noted thoughtfully, glancing down at Roger and then looking at Henry once again, "and he can't hunt. All he does is cry to Ralph and suck up to him. He betrayed us, Henry, and what do I say about traitors?"

Henry blinked twice as Jack's face began to redden with a smouldering passion that excited Roger in a way he couldn't quite describe to himself.

"They're dirty." Jack answered his own question, pacing."They're not true friends. They're no fun, Henry, and I want. To. Have. Fun. Here."

Henry remained stiffly on the edge of the rock face and kept his gaze on Jack. 

"But Ralph never joined you either." He stated calmly, though an edge of fear glazed his voice in the form of a tremor. "Nor Piggy, nor the twins."

"But they can be useful." Jack replied, smirking. "We can use them."

"We'll scare 'em into joining us." Roger elaborated. 

"Yeah. With all these boys already followin' me and doing whatever I want? That'll be enough to show Ralph and the others. I'm chief. Me!"

Henry said nothing further, just nodded once, sharply, and turned to scramble back up to the top of the large rock where the boys were painting their faces for the hunt.

Jack watched him go for a moment, then stepped to Roger's side.

"Will you lead beside me?" He asked. It took the night-haired boy a moment to realise that Jack was now addressing him. He stopped rolling the rocks and glanced up.

"Say again?" 

Jack sighed huffily and shifted into a seated position beside the shorter boy. "Will you be my second in command?" He asked pointedly. "Help me keep the others in line?"

Roger smirked. "Didn't think you needed help."

"You're a weapon," Jack said flatly, "one they're scared of."

"They're kinda scared of you," Roger allowed, glancing sideways at the redhead. "Even more so when you keep you bloody promise."

"We'll get to the hunt!"

"I didn't say we won't."

"So will you do it?"

"Whatever you say, Chief."

Jack grinned and then glanced at Roger's hands, the smile fading as suddenly as it came. Aggressively, he knocked the stones from Roger's grasp, to which the other just paused and glared.

"What was that for," He demanded blandly. Jack snorted.

"Can't hardly hold a spear with your hands all mangled like that." He answered. "Go tell Maurice to patch you up. Quick, quick."

Roger rolled his eyes and stood up.

"You're defenseman now."

"So be it." Jack sniffed irritably, resting his posture and listening to Roger's footsteps fade away. The setting sun began to lightly dust the treetops with orange and pink hues that Jack examined with mild interest, humming a choir tune to himself.

"Chief! Chief!"

A pattering of quick footsteps began to get louder after appearing from almost nowhere.

At once Jack was on his feet, watching down the spiral path for the boys he'd sent to patrol for the object of their next hunt. Several of the slightly older littluns, the nine-year-old ones, led by Harold and Robert, were scrabbling their way up the path, a morbid sort of excitement flashing in their eyes.

"What? What is it?"

"We found him."

\----

Simon was sure he'd heard something that time. Whispering. Saying his name. He shook his head, something he'd been doing a lot lately, as a way to pretend that he was banishing the bad thoughts from his mind. As a result, his head sort of hurt, but that may have been because he was so thirsty.

Deciding to go get himself a drink, Simon stood from where he'd been snapping sticks in the grass and stretched his out-of-practice leg muscles. 

"I wonder what Jack's doing?" He mused, nervously licking his dry lips as he trotted down to the stream. "I wonder if anyone is hurt. Oh, I hope nobody is hurt." 

He bent down and placed his fingers in the cool, clear water. Here, the waning orange sunlight of day cast a beautiful bittersweet shadow of colour over the stream and he found himself watching the tangerine river flow on and on and on...

Red light started to creep in from upstream. It began to spread over the orange, billowing at the bottom in a soft cloud. Simon jerked his hands from the water with a small noise. He examined them, but they were clean. Glancing back at the water, he saw that it was once again a warming orange.

"That was strange," he murmured to himself, warily staring that the water's surface. "I could've sworn..." 

He blinked, not wanting to admit to himself that he saw blood dancing in the water. Instead, he cupped his hands and leaned down to fill them with water and drink, relieved when the water did not again change colour.

\----

"Is he going to-"

"Attack us, Ralph?"

Ralph didn't want to tell the twins that this was probable. 

"Not if we don't provoke him." He said instead, taking in his surroundings and recognising that his small group was nearing Jack's mountain territory. "He has no reason."

"He won't need one." Piggy complained. "He don't always need one, Ralph."

Ralph could hear his nails grinding on the surface of the conch as the twins whimpered nervously.

"He's not a bloody beast." Ralph snapped, trying to convince himself that Piggy was lying to him. "He's just a boy. Like us."

"Remember what Simon said?"

"The beast is in all of us?"

"Does that mean-"

"Only Jack's lot is the beast?"

"Or did he really mean-"

"Us, too?"

"I don't know," Ralph replied, voice tight. "I don't normally know what Simon means."

Piggy's wheezing breaths began to get more evident.

"Ralph, what about Simon, anyhow?"

"He's safe." Ralph replied immediately. 

"How can you know?"

"He's hiding. He's got his own place, and it's hidden."

"Are you going to let him-"

"Come back, then?"

Ralph gritted his teeth. "A good chief has a group of loyal, trustworthy subjects. I'm not going to let him come back, I need him to."

\----

The trees around Simon whispered softly in the chilling night wind. In the small boy's hands were the remains of the sticks he'd broken earlier. He'd put himself on the task of fitting them back together, ashamed of the blind harm he'd done them.

He couldn't get them to fit together perfectly at all.

Frustration began to build heat in his face but he pushed it down, refocusing his blurring gaze on the sticks. 

He broke them. He was so disappointed in himself. He broke them because he wanted to, and now they were going to be broken forever, no matter how much of a close match they were. The sticks had done nothing. What a monster he was! What a horrible person he was for-

Horrified, Simon let the sticks roll out of his hands. They were just little pieces of wood! They had no feelings, what was he thinking? He looked down at the pile of splintered wood. He'd broken sticks before, to make the fire, to make the shelters. They weren't real, and they didn't feel a single thing he'd done to them.

"It's alright." He whispered to himself, an apology for getting so fearful. Beads of water formed in the corners of his eyes out of vague worry. "There's no reason to get this upset. It's going to be okay." The tears started to slide down his face. When they dripped off his chin, they glistened red on the sticks.

Simon's eyes widened in astonishment and he blinked a couple of times, not even able to see where the droplets landed when he refocused his sight. He smudged his hand across his cheek, and was both relived and horrified to see that there was no red on his skin whatsoever.

"I've been on my own too long," he decided shakily. "I-I'd better..."

He stopped. 

"I had better... I... Ah! Where's all this blood coming from?"

\----

"Ralph, where are they?"

The blond stood warily on the top edge of Castle Rock, staring around. At the empty platform, the fading fire, the animal bones littered about.

"Why have all of them gone?"

"Check the fort part," Ralph ordered shakily, not looking away from the fire's weak smoke trailing off into the sky. "The part at the bottom, with the cave. See if that's where they are. Go!"

He heard Sam and Eric shuffle away down the rock. Piggy remained, catching his breath from the long walk.

"We came all the way up here," he groaned, "and not a single one of em's here!"

Ralph could only gather one reason for this. Something very bad was happening. Jack was too smart to leave his shelter unguarded. Whatever this was, it was big. Definitely much bigger than Ralph could handle.

\----

Simon did his best to keep a level head. By this time he knew that the bloodstains he saw were not truly there. At least, not always. Not when they couldn't be touched. Not when they dripped from the trees and faded, not when they formed on his hands and slid away. 

He glanced around, looking curiously and scaredly for any more. 

Where were they coming from, then?

What were they there for?

Trails of red dripped down and spattered against some flowers. Simon watched it, waiting for it to disappear. 

How long had he been alone? How long had the beast been manifesting itself in the hearts of the others? Did they see this blood too? Was he seeing the beast? Was this the damage that it had done to the island? The residue? 

The sticky red liquid, was it the blackness staining the souls of his friends?

Simon's head spun with questions. Blood rained from the darkened sky, and then ceased. It filled his mouth and he coughed. It was gone. He blanked out, came back. He watched the bloodied flowers rise up to meet him as he fell.

\----

"Along this pig trail, Robert?"

"Yeh, Chief. Just here."

How fitting for the prey to be on the pig trail. Roger kept a tight hold on his spear, running his tongue over his lips as he trotted alongside Jack down a flattened trail of grass towards a tangle of creepers. 

"In there. Behind all those vines." 

Jack held up his hand to silence the speaker and stepped onto a lower plot of grass. He grabbed the curtain of plants, pulling it back lightly and stepping toward the entrance they made. 

"Come along," he ordered quietly, using his spear to hold the curtain back, "and - oh."

Roger leapt down next to Jack and leaned in to examine the clearing. He shot Jack a pleased grin, but the chief just stared at the body of the tiny choirboy on the grass.

"This'll be the easiest hunt yet. What's say we bring him back and let the others decide how we treat traitors, Roger?"

"I think that's a great plan, Chief."

\----

A chilling shriek ripped through the silent air, making Ralph flinch so harshly that he nearly pushed Piggy down the ledge.

"Sam!" He cried, turning toward the place of the scream. "Eric?"

"Ralph, watch out!" Came the disembodied reply. Ralph nearly missed it as the twins were so far away. "They've - ah!"

Ralph scanned the slope of the trail for traces of the twins, but couldn't see anything but rocks-

"Ralph!"

The blond turned to Piggy, alarm making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Pigg- mmph!"

"Lookie, here. We've got you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to add in hallucinations for Simon but I knew they had to mean something but I couldn't quite do it right so the foreshadowing (w/the blood) isn't so much foreshadowing as it is a blatant warning...  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Ah well. Just let me know if it's confusing or irrelevant.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, yes, dramatic filler chapter. At least Simon and Ralph are in each other's proximity again (the original request for this story was just Ralmon, but clearly I got out of hand).

Ralph struggled against the makeshift ropes around his shoulders, cringing as the boys around him poked him with their sticks every time he moved.

“This is ridiculous,” he said to them, voice echoing around in the very cave he’d investigated with Jack just a few days ago. “This game has gone on for too long!”

“Shut up,” crowed one of the boys, a younger one that Ralph didn’t recognise. “You’re not chief anymore!”

“No one’s passed a vote that says he isn’t!” Piggy cried defiantly from where he sat across the thinning trail that lead towards the dim entrance to the cave. His indignant cries echoed off the damp walls. “Who do you think you all are?”

A different boy whacked Piggy with a stick. “Shut up!” He growled.

“This is ridiculous!” Ralph repeated, glancing over at his friend, who looked wounded and rather nettled. 

“Honestly! What kind of English boys are you? This is improper!”

“We don’t have to be proper no more!” Ralph’s guard laughed. “This island is ours, Jack said. It don’t belong to no grown-ups! We don’t need no rules!”

“This isn’t fair, Ralph.” Sam murmured quietly.

“We’re sorry we-”

“-got you caught.”

“It’s my fault,” Ralph admitted, “but it’s not making any difference anyhow.”

“Savages, that’s what you are!” Piggy cried. “Or at least that’s what you’ll become if you don’t have some   
sense!”

Piggy’s guard smirked at Samneric’s guards, who up until then were silent.

“So maybe we are savages,” the one by Eric said softly, clutching his stick.

“Yeah,” Ralph’s guard agreed. “Maybe that’s how we’re s’posed to be.”

\----

Jack could have skipped all the way back to Castle Rock had he not been in charge of leading this bunch   
of disgruntled boys. The pack was upset that Simon had thrown a faint yet again and was not going to be chased down, but sacrificed.

Roger now cradled the very small boy in his arms, holding him so as not to wake him before they reached the group. A dissatisfied murmur rippled among the hunters and other boys trailing behind him. Roger seemed the least restless of all the boys, as though Simon weighed nothing and the task of carrying him and a spear was effortless.

Jack kept walking silently, resisting the excitement that welled up in his stomach. This was it. This was how he would show Ralph who was a better leader.

\----

“Ay, look!”

“The hunters are back!”

“Did you get ‘im? Did ya?”

Ralph looked up as the boys guarding him dispersed and hazy bluish light filtered into the cave. Samneric   
crept closer to Ralph as the guards moved and Piggy got up and pattered over so that they lay in a tired, tied up clump.

“Go get fire so we can see.” Jack’s voice sent an unpleasant shiver up Ralph’s spine. The boy that took the order fled from the cave’s entrance and more moonlight found its way inside. Ralph could see the redhead now. He looked smug and pleased with himself.

“I should send out a patrol to go find Ralph. Unless-”

“We’ve caught him!” One boy interrupted proudly, gesturing widely to the back of the cave. “He came with his,” he paused to snicker, “tribe.”

“We’re not a tribe, we’re a group,” Ralph snarled indignantly, “and I came to try to talk sense into you all!”  
Jack didn’t respond to Ralph, but the smile on his face let the blond know that he was heard and fully understood.

“You tied them up?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Not sir. This is not a class, it’s a tribe.”

“Yes, Chief.”

“Better. Bring the prisoners up to the top of the rock.” He turned and left without a taunt or even a word in Ralph’s direction. A frustrated groan pulled itself from the blond’s throat.

“Got no right,” Piggy complained.

“None at all.” Agreed the twins softly.

“No.” Ralph whispered, stretching his binds. “Not one bit.”

\----

Simon was jolted awake with a cry as he was dropped unceremoniously from an undetermined spot in the sky. Wheezing and head spinning from the harsh impact, he looked up and immediately realised that he was no longer in his sunny clearing. Rather than flowers, there was rock. Rather than a hazy, filtered starlight, the light from the near full moon was blaring.

“What’s goin’ on..?” he slurred lazily, sucking on his tongue as it seemed swollen in his mouth. “Is there somebody here?”

“There is.”

“Roger?” Simon struggled to readjust his sight and he rolled over and pushed himself into a sitting position. Right in front of him, Roger sat sprawled on a boulder with his head resting on his hand. “Thank gosh! What’s happening?”

Roger grinned at him, cocking his head like he was observing the slightly smaller boy.

“Something interesting.”

\----

Ralph didn’t struggle much for fear of falling off the trail and into the ocean. He walked with his head high and his shoulders back, however, trying not to look captured. He knew that Samneric were doing the same, and Piggy was likely too scared of his asthma to struggle.

“Who goes there?” Came a vaguely familiar voice from the unseeable part of the rock’s surface.

“James, Johnny and Henry. We have prisoners.”

“Come on up.”

Ralph was jostled forward again and they continued the rest of the way up the rock, the pads of his feet stinging as rocks dug into them. As the top became visible, as did a massive swarm of boys of all sizes, some of them with their faces painted. Most of those who were sitting had blank faces, however.

“In here ya get,” Ralph’s captor grunted, steering him away from the cloud of boys. “Jack’s gotta prepare the others for this. Oy, Roger! You’ve got more to watch.”

By the edge of the flat rock’s top there was a clump of boulders in an elliptical formation. Roger was perched on one of the lower ones, looking at James or whoever with vague interest.

“Leave ‘em here.” He mumbled. “I’ll keep an eye on them.”

“That’s why we’re bringing them to ya,” one of the boys farther back snarked as Ralph was thrust towards an opening in the rocks. Roger’s hand tightened around his spear at the words from the other but he said nothing.

Ralph landed hard on his hands and knees from the force of the push and immediately rolled over to sit up and face the crowd of boys. Sam, Eric and Piggy were placed down next to him, gentler, as though they deserved more.

“Ralph? What’re you doing here?”

Ralph blinked in recognition and turned to see Simon staring at him with owlish eyes.

“Simon? How did you get here?”

“Somethin’ bad’s happening, Ralph.” The ink-haired boy replied ominously. Roger shifted a little bit but Ralph ignored him. Piggy and the twins moved subtly closer to listen to Simon. “I had, uhm…” he paused, looking flush and embarrassed, “I had a dream. With lots of blood. It came from everywhere. I think it means something bad. I fainted, and I woke up here. Somethin’ bad is going to happen here.”

“Your dreams don’t mean nothin’,” Piggy grumbled, glaring disdainfully at Simon, who ducked his head shamefully. “Somethin’ bad’s going to happen because Jack’s in control.”

Roger moved again.

“He shouldn’t be,” Sam said.

“Yeah, he’s-”

“-not got good morals.”  
“He thinks-”

“-it’s okay to hurt people.”

Ralph and Piggy whipped around and Simon’s head perked up as one of the twins yelped in pain and the other in horror. Roger still sat on his rock but his spear was now brandished and ready to strike again. Eric had tears welling in his eyes and a stinging red mark on his cheek. Sam had his arms around his brother as best he could with his hands bound, and was speaking very fast to him.

“You can’t just do that to them,” Ralph growled up at Roger, who relaxed his hold on his weapon and looked down upon the blond. “You can’t do that just because they said what they wanted to say.”

“Maybe you should all shut up.”

Piggy looked like he wanted desperately to say something, but the wary eye he kept on Roger’s weapon just displayed that whatever was on his mind was staying there. Ralph figured that if Piggy was staying silent, he should too.

For a while, the only noises heard were Eric sniffling into his brother’s shoulder and the muted din of the boys preparing firewood and screaming incoherently. ¬Simon shuffled around with pebbles and made sure that he was facing away from the group of others. Ralph watched his group slowly drift into silent stillness, Simon’s ominous threat getting to them more than they cared to admit.

“Who goes there?” Clear words rang out and the slumped, defeated look went from the boys’ shoulders as they came to attention.

“Fire patrol! Jack sent us a moment ago.”

Roger stood up and glanced beyond the rock gate. Ralph followed his gaze, frowning. A faint orange glow began to peek over the ridge of the mountain, and then a trail of boys with barely flaming sticks stumbled onto the flat of the rock. 

“Your best interests say ‘stay here’,” Roger snarled, getting up and taking his spear with him as he left the pit of rock.

“What’s happening, Ralph?” Sam asked, Eric now leaning against him and giving their chief the same scared look. Ralph looked away from the boys gathering and whooping and blinked at the twins, ashamed to have to shake his head and shrug at them. 

“Something horrible,” Simon murmured to himself, placing a pebble gently down before him. Ralph looked at the small boy, who at that moment glanced up and locked their gazes. Suddenly flustered, the blond opened his mouth to say something, to apologise, but Simon’s gaze flickered and darkened. “Something horrible,” he whispered again, blinking as though pained. “I’m so sorry.”

Ralph could make no sense of the little boy’s rambling and instead watched him for any other cues. 

“Are you alright?” He asked gently. Simon blinked a few times and nodded.

“Yes, Ralph, sorry. I-I’m tired. A bit dizzy from the faint, is all.” He glanced down. Ralph counted up the days in his head that Simon was alone but the tally only came up to about a week or two. There was no reason that his mental state should seem as deteriorated as it was.

“Just a bit batty, is all.” Piggy grumbled irritably, struggling with his binds to readjust his glasses.

“Piggy!” Ralph chastised. Simon lowered his head once more and curled into himself, mumbling “sorry.”

“Well it’s his fault! All this mess is his fault!” 

“Not true. Everyone knows that I’m the proper chief. This would have happened anyway.”

A different sort of tension settled over the boys as Jack showed up at a space between rocks, shirtless and painted meticulously to the waist with berry juices and clay. Ralph scowled at Jack and repeated what he’d been arguing all night.

“This game’s been going on too long, Jack.” He snapped, flames reaching up into the sky and distracting him momentarily. “We’re never going to get home if you go on like this.”

“I don’t want to go home, Ralph.” Jack said smoothly, leaning on the spear he held. “I ain’t nothing but what grown-ups give me back there. Sure, I was the chapter chorister and head boy, but only because there was nobody better. Here, anyone could be better, but they all chose me.”

“I didn’t choose you!” Piggy crowed defiantly.

“Well, that’s why we’re here,” Jack said, grinning, “isn’t it?”

“You can’t do this.”

“Maybe the game has been going on too long, Ralph, but we all know who’s winning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Piggy's a bitch wtf~~
> 
> I'm trying to both not end this the way Golding did but also make the characters keep their roles (which means Simon has to do something like die but I'm not sure I wanna kill him). I really did not mean to create an entire alternate ending wtf.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha! I'm back from the dead! Ngl, all I was doing was playing pokémon but I'm back in the game so let's go! Let me know of any continuity, spelling, grammar or characterisation mistakes I make. It has, after all, been a month.

Ralph reluctantly allowed himself to get pushed closer and closer to the crowd of screeching boys and suddenly wished he was back in the cold, damp cave under the mountain. At least there, there was no fire, no dancing, nor screaming.

"You're all nutters," Piggy cried from in front of Ralph, his guard shoving him forward with an irritated glare. "You're savages, all of you!"

Piggy may be a very smart boy, Ralph thought, but he doesn't know when to stop. The fat boy had been going on like this all night, and Ralph knew he was going to get hit like Eric had if he didn't just shut his mouth.

Samneric were on Ralph's left side, huddled together and shooting repeated glances at Ralph, looking for instruction as they came nearer to the chaotic dancing. Ralph knew that they wanted him to show them what to do, but all he had left to do was try to talk sense into the savages. So he stood tall, despite being prodded violently and rather annoyingly, and hoped the twins would be dignified enough to do the same.

And then, as they pulled to a stop before the ring of children surrounding the fire, Ralph looked to Simon. The raven was looking at him for guidance also, but in a different way than the twins. Simon clearly wanted escape, to go back to the beach and have peace. There were tears in the younger boy's eyes and it upset Ralph but he could do less for Simon than he could for Samneric. 

Simon's eyes focused a bit and he blushed furiously at being caught staring and looked down at his hands, which were not bound, Ralph noted jealously. He moved around a bit under the watchful eye of his guard and stared into the blazing heat of the fire.

Jack held up his hands and shouted, "stop!" And they did, each boy calming down almost immediately, some still off-balance from running and breathing hard with the effort of calming down after a long run. Ralph watched their expectant faces with an angry sort of jealousy, remembering the earliest days on the island in which they listened to him like that.

The four people Ralph could still understand looked at Jack with a dazed sort of distrust, like one watches an unfamiliar animal. Unsure of what to expect.

"We've done it," The redhead announced darkly, proudly holding his spear like a staff. "We captured the traitor we've been looking for." 

At this, Roger roughly shoved Simon forward so hard the boy fell to his knees on the stone with a squeak of distress. Ralph felt bad for him, but didn't move for honest fear of the same treatment, so instead shot a quick glare to Roger, who now stood hovering over Simon with his spear at the ready.

"As we all know, young Simon here has been conversing with the beast."

A disgusted clamour rose up between the boys, as Simon looked up at Jack with wide, scared eyes.

"He got up every morning, disappeared to go talk with the monster that wants to kill us all!" Jack threw in a flair, getting louder and more dramatic as the racket increased and the crowd grew louder. "And we let him act like he was one of us! What do we do with traitors?"

And the boys, all at once, controlled and loud, screamed: "Kill him!"

To which Jack looked back at Ralph and smirked. "They listen to me now," he said menacingly, "I dare you to try to change their minds."

Ralph angrily launched himself toward Jack, rage bubbling up inside of him and beginning to spill over. The bastard had the gall to change what the boys wanted from going home to coldblooded murder, and then call himself better.

"You bastard!" Ralph cried as hands wrapped around his arms and tugged him back, away from Jack. "You don't know what you're doing!" And he was back to being fully restrained. At a gesture from the redhead, a spear was placed at the base of Ralph's throat. Jack grinned wider at him, a dark, frightening expression, in this circumstance. Ralph just glared at him defiantly, and the din of the boys standing before the fire grew more intense.

Piggy seemed stunned by the dramatic events, staring at normally composed Ralph with awe and fear. The twins were being restrained now, one being sat on and the other pinned down as they shouted about their leader and how unfair this was.

Simon remained on his knees with his head down, and Ralph stopped struggling to think for a moment because the small boy looked so defeated yet scared that it was almost painful for Ralph to see.

"You don't have too kill him, Jack," Ralph yelled out. Jack blinked in mild interest. "They already do everything you say! What are you trying to prove, now?"

"You don't understand," Jack replied. "I told them I'd do something, and I'm going to do it. You see, I don't just sit on my arse and tell them what to do." Chucking rose at the use of profanity. "I help them. They listen to me because I know what they want."

"This isn't a competition, Jack!" Ralph yowled. Protesting broke out as he spoke. "Were supposed to go home! That's all we need!"

"We need to survive!" Jack cried back. "We need to hunt and kill! This is how we're meant to be! This is how we are supposed to live!"

Cheers.

Ralph struggled against his restraints, trying to ignore the tip of the spear dangerously close to his neck. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Simon, looking at him with hope and trust glimmering against the firelight in his eyes. "Humans aren't supposed to kill! We need to go home!" 

"We're never going home!" Jack shrieked, composure slipping away as he grew frustrated and angry. "This is home now, and to survive, I'm going to kill anything that gets in my way! Roger!"

Ralph's breathing sped up as Roger raised his spear over Simon's head and the smaller boy cringed and shrank away.

"This isn't right!" Piggy screamed, waving his bound hands. "What would your parents think?" 

"Shut your fuckin' mouth, Fatty!" Jack howled angrily, and gestured to a guard,who smacked Piggy so hard upon the head with his spear that the short boy grunted and fell over.

"Piggy!" Ralph shrieked, staring at the unmoving body of his best friend. The twins squirmed and wailed, but they were held fast.

"Please!" And for once, Simon's voice broke through the din, and several boys started to jeer at him, now seeing him as prey, a hunted animal. Ralph knew no one was going to listen to him. "Please stop! I'll do anything! Stop hurting them! They're my friends!"

Louder jeering blew through the crowd. 

"You traitor," shouted a choirboy from the vast clump of mostly littluns. "You'da had it all if you had stuck with us from the start! We don't gotta listen to no one from the losing team!" 

Simon shrank away from the shaming and tears started to fall down his reddened face. Jack stalked over to Simon, now appearing interested in the young boy. The ginger was either very good at hiding his anger all of a sudden, or had been calmed by Simon's words. 

"Where is the beast, Simon?" Jack asked calmly. The raven took a moment to look around as though searching, catching sight of Roger's spear still poised above his head. He finally lowered his glance, saying nothing. Jack snatched a handful of his hair, roughly, and pulled his head up. Simon whined in displeasure and started to cry again.

"Where is the beast, Simon?" Jack repeated, louder, releasing the raven's hair and backing away so the crowd could hear his answer.

"It's inside us," Simon murmured softly, lowering his head to stare again at his hands. "It's destroying you. All of us."

A spell of silence. A deafening surge of laughter and booing. And then Jack's voice, again clear as day.

"He knows where the beast came from! He let it inside us! He is the reason it won't go away, the reason that we're being hunted!"

Simon watched his words become skewed with a look of horror painted across his features.

"That's not what he said, Jack!" Ralph chimed in again. "You're not listening!"

Jack seemed to ignore him. “You all know what we have to do,” he addressed the group, which was practically vibrating with excitement, and some still whooped at the top of their lungs. Hunters began to scour for their sticks, and Roger stiffened his stance, guarding Simon with his legs as if to say that the kill was his first and foremost.

“Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood!” Cried the voice of Maurice from beside the guards  positioned on top of the twins. “Kill the beast!”

He laughed wildly at his own words as the chant began to pick up, rippling through the restless crowd, growing louder with each passing second as they got more and more excited.

“We’ll show that monster!” Jack laughed over the chant. “We will survive! We are stronger!”

The boys stood up, littluns began to dance and shout wordlessly, while biguns pumped their fists in a timed rhythm with their words. Ralph tried to wrestle free once again, grunting with the effort, but the grip around him was stronger than he was and he was helpless, physically.

“Jack!” He cried, a last-ditch attempt to stop him from advancing on little Simon, who was quivering hard as he eyed the savages smothered in warpaint and flame. It worked, as Jack whipped around to face away from his followers and toward the speaker. A satisfied grin was painted across his face as he turned. “If you’re such a great chief,” the blond howled over the din, “why can’t you get the rest of us to follow you?”

The smile slid fluidly into an expression of anger. “You’re stubborn,” he snarled. “You think you’re better than me even though I’ve already beaten you! This is your end, Ralph, and you’re the only one who doesn’t see it!”

Around him, the chant roared strong. The boys were getting restless. The entire group created a silhouette of one, huge, writhing creature behind Jack. The sounded like a monster. They sounded pained.

Simon watched them with tears in his eyes and a hazy expression. “The beast,” he whispered, so softly that Ralph could only see him say it. His words were lost in the sounds of the monster’s roar.

“You don’t have to do this!”

“Oh, but I do! You don’t believe me! I’ll show you!”

Boys started to fall and get back up before they were trampled. Their song sounded like a clap of thunder.

“A real leader doesn’t kill his subjects! A real leader gets a job done!”

“I am! This is the job! Keeping us alive! Giving them what they want!”

“A real leader doesn’t have to prove himself!”

“Then why do you keep trying to prove you’re their chief?”

Jack stood proudly, a firm grip on his spear, a leader illuminated by the flame he lit for these boys. His composure was beginning to return and he grinned at Ralph’s gaping expression.  

“Face it, Ralph. This is how things are. You lost, I won. You can join my tribe, or you can be next.”

Simon flinched and looked away from the dark, heaving cloud of screaming kids, and at Ralph with a horrified expression.  Over his head hovered Roger, and boys continued to poke at him as they ran in circles. Samneric let out heaving wails, but remained held steadily down. Piggy lay in the corner, still unmoving, and now, unguarded.

Ralph gritted his teeth and stared Jack in the eye. The redhead’s smug look faded into one of frustration.

“Choose now, Ralph.”

Killthebeast!Cuthisthroat!Spillhisblood!

Any choice Ralph made was a loss. He couldn’t allow himself to give up his morals and become an animal. He couldn’t submit and let himself die. He couldn’t escape and run away. He knew he was right. He knew how they could go home.  He could be leader again.

“Choose now, Ralph!” Jack repeated, tightening his hold.

“Stop!” Simon cried, face a mess of tears and tiny beads of blood.

“You shut up!”

“Stop!” Samneric yelped together, despite having their faces pushed into the rock face.

“Shut up!”

“Give me time! Give us time!” Ralph yelled finally, hanging his head and closing his eyes in defeat. “Let me think about it. Just one night.”

Jack cocked his head. He turned to his excited tribe. He turned to Simon, and looked up at Roger, who seemed enraged and impatient. To Piggy’s unmoving form, he grinned, and to the twins, he looked pensively. He looked to Ralph, who looked weak and defeated. He smiled. They were weak. He saw in their forms that they’d been beaten.

He liked this.

He liked seeing the traitors, the non-believers, beaten.

He was powerful.

He saw his leadership reflected in the sunken forms of Ralph’s mangled tribe.

“Okay, Ralph,” he granted smoothly, watching Ralph shudder weakly in the hold of his hunter. “You have one night. And so do the rest of your… group.”

The blond looked up, and he looked thankful. Spiteful, and there was hate in his glare, but there was relief flickering among the flames in his eyes. Jack liked having Ralph at his mercy. 

He liked seeing him powerless to help himself. This boy that once considered himself such a great leader could be broken down as far as Jack wanted him to be.

"You're stubborn, Ralph."

"You won't win this."

"I already have. Hunters! Take them down to the fort. We'll get them in the morning to hear Ralph's choice."

The hunters broke away from the writhing crowd to gather Piggy up and begin to drag him away. Ralph was roughly hoisted upright, and glared daggers at Jack as he was tugged away. The twins were finally let up and they began to cry as they were pulled along as well.

Roger shoved Simon onto his hands and knees and once again poised himself to strike. The little boy screamed and the crowd roared with excitement and Ralph cried out and the twins screamed after him and-

"Stop, Roger."

The raven clenched his spear in frustration and glared at Jack with malice.

"Ralph has to decide Simon's fate, as well. Kill the beast inside him and save us? Or let him live, and doom us all?"

The blond winced at Jack because he knew what the real choice was. 

Let them kill Simon, and give in to their savagery in the name of his pride?

Or let him live, and admit that he didn't care what the others wanted, but about what he wanted. Jack could use that to demean him, remind everyone what a shoddy chief he had been.

Ralph had people's lives resting on his shoulders.

Whatever he did would ruin everything once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I don't know what I'm doing but uhhh hey! I'll figure it out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short filler to let you guys know I'm alive I'm so sorry that I'm taking so long...

Piggy groaned in displeasure as he was deposited roughly to the cold stone ground, pebbles digging into his flesh. He opened his eyes, blinking to clear his bleary vision, and managed to catch sight of Ralph being dumped in front of him with a pained grunt and a steely glare at the ground. To his left, he noticed Samneric getting dragged in, and Simon already sitting in the back.

Piggy rolled over and sat up, brushing the pebbles off of his body and examining what little he could of the tiny red marks in his skin. His head throbbed angrily from the site where he’d been hit, and he suppressed indignance as he sought out Ralph again in the gloom.

The blond wiped blood off of a stinging scrape on his knee and scowled darkly at his wound.

“Ralph. What’s happened? Those buggers done attacked me and I – ugh, my glasses are filthy.”

Ralph remained silent, watching his friend clean his glasses with the dirty remains of his shirt. His mind was entirely on the decision ahead of him, and as tiredness slowly began to make his eyes hurt, he realised that he had another decision: sleep, and lose much thinking time, or stay awake and possibly choose the wrong thing.

“Ralph?”

“The twins will tell you,” he snapped shortly, pressing one hand to his face and inhaling sharply. “Sam! Eric!”

Loyally, the two got up from where they sat and huddled themselves around Piggy, recounting the details of the previous fifteen minutes with earnest. Ralph exhaled hard and pressed both hands to his face, trying to think, trying to block out their noise.

“Ralph?”

The blond took a slow, deep breath and rested his hands in his lap, turning slowly to look up at the speaker. He nodded, allowing Simon to sit next to him as he knew the small boy would not make a lot of noise or interrupt his thoughts. The raven sat close, and Ralph could feel him trembling softly, probably just as scared as he.

“Uh, Ralph, I want you to know that it’s… it’s alright for you to let them – to let them… kill me. It’s probably for the better, really.”

Faint purplish light started to seep in and bathe Simon in colour as Ralph glanced up to see him for real. The smaller boy was looking softly at his lap with steady tears slipping down his round face. He sniffled quietly and clenched his fists in fear, blinking slowly. When Ralph didn’t respond, he looked sideways, looking for a response. He seemed to want confirmation.

“I’m not going to let them kill you, Simon.” The blond responded huffily. “I’ll find another way.”

Simon shook his head. “No, Ralph, if they believe the beast is dead, then… then maybe they’ll take it easier on you. Maybe no one else will have to die.”

“I said no, Simon. I’m not giving in to their inhuman behaviour. I’m not going to help them hurt anybody. Especially not you.”

Simon shook his head, harder. He reached up to smear his hand in the blood on his face and slammed it on his leg, with a bit more force than expected from him.  “Please. I know what you want. I know you want to go home. Maybe letting them kill the beast is one step closer to them listening to you again.”

“But you’re not the beast, Simon, there’s no such thing!”

“That’s not what they think.”

“Simon-”

“Ralph, please. I want them to. I want you to be safe. I want everyone else to be safe.”

“I don’t want to be like them.”

“You can save them."

“Not like this.”

The boys stared intensely at one another, something like fury mixing in their expressions, frustration making them clench their fists. Both shook with trepidation.

“I think you should let him die.”

“Piggy!” Ralph tore his gaze away from Simon to glare straight at his friend.

“From what these two has told me, your best option is to let them take him out, and the rest of us live. If we supposedly join Jack, they’ll trust ya, ‘cause you let ‘em kill the beast, and then you can get ‘em to do as you say, bit by bit.” Ralph didn’t want to admit that that did, indeed, seem like his best option.

“The only other thing you can do is let him kill you. And then he’ll likely kill us after that, anyhow.”

Ralph flinched every time Piggy said “kill.” “I don’t want anyone to die!” He growled, but Piggy was ready for him.

“You shoulda thought of that before you abandoned everybody for him!” He retorted, pointing accusatively at Simon for a moment before clenching his teeth and calming himself down. “You’re about to do it again. They’ll hate you if you let him live, you know. Jack wants you under his control. You can use that, or you can ignore him, and make him angry.”

Ralph shook his head. “I’m going to find another way,” he said lowly.

“No!” Piggy and Simon both protested. The blond looked at them both, betrayed. He looked to Samneric, but the two of them were huddled together like scared young pups, watching the fight with indecision and fear. The two never had any reason to dislike Simon, but felt no connection to him personally. Their fight was between loyalties to Ralph’s word and doing what seemed right by everyone.

Frustrated, Ralph groaned loudly and turned to Simon in a last-ditch attempt to make him see reason. But the raven’s expression was dark and void, like he’d built a wall behind his eyes.

“Simon, come on…” Ralph pleaded.

Expression swirled in his eyes but faded, and he shook his head just a little.

“Ralph, you’re still my chief, and I’d do anything for you, but… what else is there to do?”

   
\-----  
 

“Calm down, Roger!”

“You lied to me. You lied about the hunt, and you lied about the kill. You know Ralph’s not going to let his precious girlfriend die, and now you’ve lost your entire tribe because you just had to give him a chance! You’re stupid!”

“The tribe is still mine, yet. They’ve got no one else to go to. I’m in control of this, Roger.”

Roger clutched his spear with force, glaring angrily down at the rock.

“You’re not going to have this very easy if Ralph makes the wrong decision.”

“Don’t underestimate me.”

“I’m not overestimating you, either.”

Jack gnashed his teeth, holding tight to his own sharpened stick.

“Someone will die. I know it. We’ll use them as a sacrifice to the beast. I won’t lose this yet. I know what they want.”

“You’re a fool, still.”

“I don’t need to keep you around, you know.”

\- -- 

Ralph rested against the cave wall with his head rested on his hands. Samneric spoke gently to Simon after Ralph had yelled at them to leave him be. He'd needed to think. He felt bad now for scaring them, as the twins rested in each other's arms, and Simon was cuddled into the smallest possible ball.

Piggy was pacing and grumbling, but he didn't bother to disturb Ralph while he appeared to be making his decision. 

But Ralph's mind had already been made up. He knew exactly how to give them what they wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned guys I'm sorry I'm so lazy.


End file.
